I meditate in the morning. Meditating is probably what keeps me most sane now that my dog has gone on to hang out with my mom. Meditation demands I remain still for more than a minute even if my mind is going a million miles an hour. Guided meditations are especially helpful as they allow me to focus on the words being spoken with very little silence in which my thoughts can gain momentum. I still struggle with wandering thoughts but practice makes perfect, right? The best advice I've received on wandering thoughts during meditation is to imagine that you are sitting on a river bank and that your thoughts are boats floating by. Just observe them as they pass. If you become aware that you are riding in one of the boats simply bring yourself back to the river bank to observe them as they once again pass by.
Today's meditation left me with this message:
Do what you want to do and do it right now. Don't worry about tomorrow. Today is the only day you have.
I've been struggling with being present, being positive, and believing that its all perfect just the way it is.
I decided that today would be about today, about being fully present in my thoughts and emotions. To go with the flow and do what I want.
First, a friend I met that time I was a waitress came over and I SOLD MY DESK (it only took one day) and now my friend has a beautiful piece of furniture on which to do her homework. I gave her a few of my most precious treasures to keep in the desk, too. They had lived inside it for so long it seemed like they belonged to the desk rather than to me.
After a few moments of thought and looking at my calendar (ok, I was worrying about tomorrow when this happened) I decided that today was the best day to bring my clothes to Plymouth so I filled a travel mug with hot chai and drove there by myself for the first time without directions or GPS and didn't get lost. And by didn't get lost I mean I just kept driving and magically ended up exactly where I intended to. In the hours of that driving adventure I was reminded of how much I enjoy going places by myself. Wandering on my own schedule, free to do whatever I want.
When I got home I started thinking about my flight to San Diego on Saturday and my thoughts wandered to my dad who I've never met that lives in California. Two years ago I found his address on the internet and wrote him a letter. As a result we started talking on the phone. Then we stopped. I haven't talked to him for over a year and I just decided an hour ago that life is too short to not try to get to know him. So I wrote him another letter. It's in an envelope next to me now, stamped and ready to go.
I spent the day allowing my thoughts to flow. I daydreamed about tiny school bus houses, skiing this coming winter, and my dog. I invited my emotions in for a cup of tea and let myself really get to know them. My actions were inspired and I went with the flow of the moment.
To do this every day will compose a wonderful life.
I can see the bright side from where I sit.
I'm getting there.
Now, in this moment, I'm anxiously awaiting escarole soup and the new episode of Agents of Shield. So if you need me I'll be in the living room in my space pajamas because I'm an adult and I do what I want.